This almost works

The fell moons rise, and in their cold glare emerges a parcel from the dirt.

Bloat and gangrene, crimped as if by tourniquet.

A dark promise wriggles within.

Horace looks perplexed next to a large Christmas cracker, as two fell moons leer menacingly in the beyond.

Grip the fibrous handles, feel its jagged soul imprint upon your palm.

Rend the sinew, tear muscle from bone, hatch their fetid gift!

The yoke draws near!

Take up the slip and read the words upon its face.

Time to enjoy your lovely joke!

Q: What game does Geoff Keighley play now that E3 is gone forever?

A: June Imperium.