Behind bars
The justice system is stupid.
Shut up, the police.
Be smart for once.
Stop watching everyone through video cameras, you absolute creeps.
Oh right, video games.
Here’s 9 of the best jailbreaks in PC games.
Vin Diesel’s grim drawl is present and correct, as are some truly heinous action movie quips.
A subtle getaway, very stealthy.
There are loads of tropes to fulfill.
Shape pillows into a dummy that lies in your bed at night.
Make a key mold by pressing a stolen key into some putty.
Knock out the generators to turn off the contraband detectors.
The possibilities are frankly alarming.
Oh wait, that’s the alarm.
Let he who is without sin cast the first invisibility spell.
For Mara’s sake, every game begins with a jailbreak.
Uncharted 4
“It’s not on PC!”
you yelp, thinking you’ve got him, you’ve finally got the list goblin, that idiot.
Sit down, quell your buffoonery.
Brawls, cons, stacked odds, a rooftop chase, a shooty finale.
It’s also good at setting up the principal antagonist as a selfish and unlikeable prick.
God speed, Dan Donelly.
But you have one thing the enemy does not.
A single sachet of ketchup.
The chaos, the distraction, the pursuit, the sliding cages, the improvised violence.
It’s the jailbreak of an alternate universe.
and shunt the player through a tumultuous penitentiary anyway.
Deus Ex: Mankind Divided - A Criminal Past
Why did Adam Jensen go to cyborg jail?
He was smuggling arms.
But one instance of fluffy ice melted into disgusting slush at the slightest scrutiny.
“I appreciate its inclusion, but it doesn’t go crunch underfoot.
It doesn’t even lay before you in a white vista like a world covered in fondant.
I can’t sink my eyeball-teeth into it.”
It’s a real phenomenon, we all know what it means.
That’s it then, but don’t forget.
One of the above jailbreaks doesn’t deserve to be here.
It’s completely innocent.
I leave it to you, my goblins, to decide which one shall get the pardon.
Until next time: lights out.
