Mech my day punk
I cannot reviewPsycho Patrol Rin any way that matters.
Neither approach is going to work.
Psycho Patrol R requires a buy-in of brain rot and an almost memetic openness to mania.
You’ll need to play it to better misunderstand it.
That would cause a diplomatic incident.
But the militant police force you work for in-game is a hideous caricature of the organisation.
Some of that work takes place in the pilot seat of your mech.
Some of it happens on-foot, with an off-brand AK-47 teetering at the end of your arm.
Small arms fire from regular soldiers can’t hurt you like this.
Or you’re able to simply stomp them to bits for cash.
You are the police.
There are no consequences for killing innocents.
1 second, 2 seconds.
Perhaps this, then, is the way to go.
For fiercer minds, death’s embrace might spur a who-dares-wins speedrunniness.
But there are workarounds, and you always reappear at the nearest checkpoint with pacey determination.
Fighting fast and thoughtlessly certainly suits the theme of coked-up cops much better than Rainbow Six timidness.
Yet I remain afraid of death.
Outside your mech, a sharp burst of bullets from one stray soldier can kill you in an instant.
You still pop like a balloon full of blood.
That last sentence could describe any video game.
just, do not be misled.
you’ve got the option to kick down doors and hack keypads, of course.
But the game’s slant attitude extends even to the design tenets of an entire genre.
You don’t just buy a cola from the vending machine, you buy a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.
You don’t flush the toilets, you pick them up and throw them around.
it’s possible for you to bribe nearly anyone you meet.
I accidentally invested my entire bank account in a strange food company.
I thought I was spending 100 euro, but actually I was buying 100 stocks.
How do I tell my wife about this?
Do I have a wife?
Are wives permitted in Pan-Europa?
It is not clear.
I tried to give him 10 euros to go away.
“Keep your change, peasant,” he spat.
He became furious and began to shoot at me about his passport.
The protagonist reveals in a note that they are in love with this manager.
The password on your work computer is his whole name: LORENZOVISCONTI.
It is case sensitive.
All this is to highlight the true appeal of Consumer Softproduct’s games.
They aren’t swish, professionally polished products of an industry.
They are scrappy murder pictures of comic disgust.
The world of Psycho Patrol R is full of unsettling quest givers and chatty NPCs with no filter.
Their dialogue is overpoweringly verbose, stupid, and sublime.
It is basically what would happen ifthecatamiteswas made creative director of the nextDeus Ex.
Shortly after shooting a would-be assassin in the street, I spoke to a nearby woman in a suit.
A CEO’s dog is more important than the average human by these calculations, she said.
“I can tell your value is about 0.4,” she told me.
“Which is fine.
Don’t worry about it.”
In her case, she had no quest for me, and could be freely murdered.
But others are more significant.
The game’s Steam page boasts (accurately) that “Every quest is a side quest”.
And maybe more games could afford to embrace this philosophy.
He shouted at me about how the dog needs discipline, and told me to fuck off.
I don’t respect people who don’t respect me.
I need to meditate on this."
I meditate by shooting Vladimir in the head and taking the 50,000 euros he has in liquid cash.
I have not taken enough cocaine, or I have taken too much cocaine.
I am not sure.
Whether that hunger is sated with this early access version, I don’t know.
This review was based on a free review copy supplied by the developer.
