Just waiting for my peaceful time skip
Ive always entertained the idea of an apocalypse.
I mean, zombies are definitely scary, but itd be a cool fantasy to play out.
Over the years, Ive even formed my own little plan.
Loot some local houses and then set up a base in the fire station on my street.
I thought 11 years of The Walking Dead wouldve prepared me fairly well and I fancied my chances.
So, I made myself inProject Zomboid.
It turns out, everything I learned from The Walking Dead was useless.
A sleepy, clumsy, disorganised guy with poor eyesight and hearing.
Oh, and hes scared of anything gory.
This does not bode well.
Still, I think hes poised for greatness.
Most classic heroes are defined by their flaws, after all.
Achilles heel and all that.
Maybe the great flaw that I’ll overcome is being completely unprepared for the apocalypse in every way possible.
It all kicks off in some kind of abandoned office.
Maybe RPS crumbled and Im the only one left.
Why does everyone in the RPS treehouse have nightsticks in their desks?
Oh wait, no.
Im in a police station.
That show makes it pretty clear that guns are perfect in the apocalypse.
Despite my flawed character build, this is looking like a decent start.
After leaving the police station, I start looking around for a car.
Locked, locked, and locked.
Okay, so that plan didnt work out.
So, like my favourite TV heroes, I hatch a cunning plan.
With that, my stealth kill montage begins.
In reality, it’s much more clumsy.
But, I make it out alive.
Plot armour, baby.
Maybe The Walking Dead is accurate and dealing with hordes of the ravenous undead is a piece of cake.
As I look up from the blood-covered battleground, I lay eyes on the golden goose.
That thing that the protagonist searches for and always finds towards the end of the season.
A promise of new stories to come and new adventures to be had.
For me, it’s the fire station that I’ve always dreamed of.
Somewhere to hide and hopefully not starve.
Wait, did someone mention starving?
People dont starve in The Walking Dead, right?
They find entire functional farms and magic up infrastructure between seasons.
Another lie from my favourite zombie show.
This apocalypse stuff is way harder than they make it look on TV.
Well, before I could even get inside and start munching, two more walkers shamble around the corner.
I’m starving, carrying way too many nightsticks, and extremely tired.
This is a fight to the death, my big action scene.
I beg that you just picture something really cool.
Still, after a few minutes of button-mashing and nightstick-swinging, I survived.
This plot armour stuff sure is handy, but thats enough trouble for one day.
I jimmy the lock on the window, but as it slides open, the unthinkable happens.
That could not have gone any worse.
Okay, maybethisis my big finale moment.
I spin around, desperately scanning for an escape path.
With nowhere to go, I run down the road as the undead crowd around me.
I didnt fare so well.
So, 11 years of dedicated The Walking Dead viewing was useless.
One big lie thats going to get you killed.
Heed that warning, folks, and use thetips and tricksguide I wrote instead.
There are plenty of good lessons to learn in there.
Regardless, my real-life plan is still head to the fire station up the road.
Those electric gates are just perfect, I reckon.
Id probably find a bunch of nightsticks there as well.
You never know what you might find in the middle of Lidl.
