In the light of the campfire I examine my travel companions as they party.
They won’t all make it.
One of them will sacrifice their life to save the rest of us.
All will bring me a step closer to my goal: I am walking from Ireland to China.
The character creation screen of CK3 is well-stocked with useful traits and characteristics we can take advantage of.
He is the leader of a new band called the “Turbulent Travellers”.
His emblem is a salmon.
His motto is “China or Death”.
The journey will make the man.
With all the preparation done, I recruit some friends and set out for the exotic land of Wales.
One of my oldest pals, a violent brute called Fothad the Hawk, comes with me.
He is described as “significantly more likely to harm others”.
I love him dearly.
To move from place to place you select a county and press a simple “travel” button.
The map changes into “travel planning” mode.
Every act of relocation sees your wee figure strutting over the world map.
But more often said apples are earned through contracts.
Intimidate a local tax dodger, say.
Or build a tower for a noble as a phallic symbol of his power.
To keep contracts fresh, you have to keep on the move.
It’s a big contrast to howCrusader Kingsis normally played.
As a fan of both games, playing as an adventurer makes me deeply giddy.
Especially when Fothad gets himself into a fight with a Welsh man on the way to London.
Fothad the Hawk is a wirey 30-something Celt with a fickle temper.
His opponent is a fully armoured knight errant.
As an 18-year-old, I decide Cathmal won’t get between them.
We should probably leave the country.
This might have been avoided.
The map becomes colour-coded, showing war torn regions and hot spots.
Gloucester has some dodgy looking bandit forests, for example, where “many travellers go missing”.
Luckily you’re able to customise your route by adding detours, region by region.
For now, we’ll simply go a little further north, around the forests.
This eats up more provisions and adds only a few lower-risk encounters.
It’s a pattern of travel I’ll repeat throughout the game.
I’m sure the roads of England will be relatively safe though, right?
She, my friends, is also a gael.
In my pain, I look at the calendar.
It has taken a YEAR to reach the English capital.
This feels like terrible progress.
His brush with death has given him some perspective.
Perhaps it is time to choose an heir.
He chooses the doctor he is fucking.
Everyone in the hot city is coughing.
1069
We camp outside the walls of Klingenberg, home of the Holy Roman Emperor.
He does not respond.
1070
Cathmal has, for some reason, enrolled in a university program in Rome.
He studies so hard he nearly has a mental breakdown.
They teach Cathmal to relax, and become good friends, joining him on the journey.
His pecs no doubt glittering with red speckles, he remains the unbeatable himbo of the troupe.
1072
We host a party outside Constantinople.
We neglect to invite the Emperor (or his mysterious co-Emperor).
1076
On the banks of the Tigris, we are surrounded by bandits.
Without his intervention, Cathmal would have perished.
1077
In the bars of Kabul, I go to see a storyteller.
Every city has one.
1078
Three friends get eaten by a tiger.
Perhaps it is enough to be satisfied here.
Does he really need to see another country?
To meet yet more people?
To chase yet more of the shifting earth?
1081
Yes.
He immediately gets to work seducing the King’s wife.
Epilogue
So.
Others were lost along the way.
So did Carlo, one of the kind Italian pissheads.
They were not the only losses.
Alongside the death, illness, frostbite and aches, my fellow travellers also suffered many year-long hangovers.
One or two of them adopted pets.
I cannot stress how much of a good time I’ve had with this DLC.
Only buildinga multicultural empire of turtles and insectsinStellarishas brought me more entertainment in a Paradox game.
Yes, it can get repetitive as you dismiss some of the same dialogue boxes over and over.
you’ve got the option to write a book of travels.
Cathmal has already done this (he got started in India).
His heirs can now inherit this book, granting them a hefty learning bonus.
It’ll be useful for his whelp of a son and waif of a daughter.
After all, Cathmal might not make it back to Ireland himself.
I won’t have it.
He has written the tale to prove it.
